What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Is it just me?

Did my mother not teach me buffet etiquette?

Has that etiquette changed over the years?

Ah… No!!

Over the last few months, we have seen a lot of buffets. Too many, probably.

The prevailing behavior at all of them has been starvation. Clearly these people have been imprisoned and fed only on stale bread and their own urine for weeks. They run to the buffet as though the 4th person will miss out, and then they pile everything on the same plate, so that the 4th person really will miss out.

So bacon, eggs, pancakes, watermelon, corn flakes, toast, curry, cheese, salad and baked beans all stacked precariously on one plate. I’m half expecting some fuck wit to pour coffee and juice onto the plate, too.

Whatever happened to the first rule of buffet? No, not that one. The one that says you can go back…

My second rule is that there’s no hurry. Wait for the fuck wit frenzy to end, and you don’t have to spend 30 minutes standing in a conga line. You can see everything, and explore at leasure, in whatever order suits you.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a European thing. I saw it here in Dubai last night, and I’ve seen it at Christmas Dinner in Christchurch. Roast lamb and trifle do not fit well together. Fuck wits!!

People just need to take a breath. 

And take a small plate.

Then go back for another one.

It’s not hard.