Just a quick note on the Beamer

I mentioned we hired a Beamer.

I mentioned it was a diesel. 

I mentioned I am fundamentally allergic to diesel. 

Here’s something else.  Being diesel, I expected good mileage, and I think I did OK. I only topped up the gas when it got down to about 1/3 of a tank full. First time was £50 in Llandudno, then £52 in Oxford, then £62 in Truro, and finally £32 near Heathrow, where we dropped the car. Considering the tank will stretch to around 700 miles (not kilometres), and the fact we did 1740 miles on our drive, it looks good to me. This despite the fact that diesel is more expensive than petrol in the UK. It’s quite a bit cheaper than petrol in NZ. Still not bad at all. 

Now for some advice:

If you’re a deep end kind of thrill seeker, then hire whatever you want, and go hard. Pick a car that will add to your memories. 

If, like me, you’re a boring old fart who wants to stay well inside the comfort zone, then rent something like what you drive at home. If you drive a manual, then do that. If you’re used to an automatic, then get one. As I have said, in the UK you will pay a premium for automatic, but I promise you it’s worth it. I had three gps’s running in the Beamer, and it was great. While the roundabouts may have registered a 7.8 on the sphincter scale, everything else was made so much easier by having an automatic and an integrated GPS. The more you can keep inside your comfort zone, the less chance of disaster, and better chance of enjoying the experience. 

Home James

Saturday September 07

Just one bounce and we’re home.

We checked out from the hotel, but just stuck around soaking up the atmosphere and sun till our pickup. I had woken up with a back issue, so wasn’t doing much walking. God knows how many times Sarah asked if she needed to order me a wchr at the airport. Sounds very caring, doesn’t it? Yeah, not so much. Have you MET my wife?

Had a little glitch when I paid the final bill, but it was easily fixed. They didn’t think we had prepaid the resort fee, but we had.

Resort fees are one of those annoying Americanisms that has come out of the woodwork in recent years, and it is something they expect you to pay directly to them, not to your agent. Another annoying Americanisms is to lay every detail of your bill out on the page. It is so convoluted that you really need to be paying attention to ensure you are not being double-charged. One reason the final account is messy is because, like every Amrikan purchase, they price things and then add plus plus. Taxes and fees. Why not have a quoted price that is the final price!!!??? It’s illegal in NZ or Oz to not include the taxes in the final price advertised. That would be nice, Mr Trump.

We book most of our accommodation through Bookings.com or Hotels.com etc. Sarah likes to make sure that she pays for the hotel on the spot. Some sites will make the booking, but tell you to pay the hotel. That sounds like a great idea, but you are at the mercy of the exchange rate on the day. Prepaying avoids a rate that will kill your credit card.

So my advice is this; by all means book and pay in advance, but take a printout of the confirmation with you. It will show what is included. All I needed to show them was our email from Bookings.com saying very clearly that the 14% tax, the 7% city tax and $30 per day resort fee is included in the paid figure. The hotel was happy to honour the document and take it up with Bookings.com later if they need to.

So off to the airport, and check-in is just opening. Not long and we’re heading for the Star Alliance Lounge that Air New Zealand runs. Not bad, but Sarah was very impressed with the range of food available in the SQ lounge we use in London.

And then it was time to board. Being old and crippled is exhausting. Apparently I was asleep before pushback. After an hour or so, I woke up and the crew helped me to flip my seat over into a bed. Sarah actually started doing it for me, before the crew appeared. She has mastered this. I think she wants to be a hostie when she grows up.

I think I mentioned at the beginning of this trip, that I had been getting some negative feedback about business class. Not me. I’ve now done four sectors in business, and I cannot fault anything. I think there was one sector when nothing on the menu appealed. Not their fault. Just like going to a restaurant, and not enjoying the meal. Just because their version of something doesysuit you doesn’t mean they did a bad job. Not everyone likes the same things.

All crews on all flights were great. I always smile when the announcement includes the scripted warning about ensuring kids fingers don’t get caught in any of the moving seat components. I just wish one day someone will grow a pair and modify it to include kids and husbands. That would be hilarious. 

Hotel California

Tuesday September 03

We’re spending a few days in L.A. recovering from the manic pace of our holiday. 

Yes Erin, I know it’s a shit-hole, but we’re avoiding that. 

We have 3 nights in Santa Monica, just a stroll along the beach from the pier. We have no desire to go any further than we are prepared to walk back from, so we are quite insulated from everything except the heat. 

After summer in the British Isles (and living in NZ), it’s hard work walking to the pier on a hot California day. But I guess someone has to do it. 

Did lunch at Bubba Gump’s. I just love this place. We’ve eaten at a Bubba in Las Vegas and New York, and now here. We’ve walked past it on the pier many times, but today we ventured in. 

Just came back from an Italian restaurant in the hotel next door. Nice. 

These last days are not going to be interesting. Sorrow 

VAT From a Tourist Perspective

Monday September 02

I don’t know how many countries have a tax refund option for tourists at their airports. 

I’ve used it a lot in Australia. As long as the receipt shows the retailer’s ABN number (whatever that is) and some other details found on most business receipts, and as long as each receipt is for at least AUD300, then just present it to the Refund desk, and Robert’s your Aunty. Pretty straightforward. I’ve only done it with hand luggage sized purchases, because they will usually ask to see the item. Because the refund desk is on the other side of Customs, there will be a more elaborate pre-check-in process for stuff you want to check in. In Sydney, I’ve only used credit card refund, and that takes a few weeks to come through. I think cash is an option, but it’s been a while. More recently I have been using the app provided by the department in charge of the Tourist Refund Scheme (TRS). With that I add a few details from the receipt, and the app generates a barcode for the agent to scan. Very fast. 

In Singapore, we take our luggage to a desk out the front, and show them the receipts. I’m not sure what the minimum receipt value is. They stamp it, and once you go through customs you find the desk who give the refund. We always took cash from them, but I assume cards are similar, if that’s an option. I haven’t seen an app yet, but at least it’s handled by a government agency. 

The glorious European Economic Community is a different kettle of mustard altogether. 

First, Eire is EEC up the wazoo, euro and all. The UK, comprising the top bit of Ireland and all of Scotland Wales and England, have never really been committed to the idea. They have retained the British pound as everyday currency. 

The first thing I will say is that hardly anyone will tell you about the VAT refund scheme. You would think that it doesn’t matter. After all, retailers in Singapore and Australia don’t tell you either. 

It doesn’t matter in those countries because any half-decent receipts will do. But in the EU and the UK, it really does matter. 

Over this side of the world, they need to print out a specific VAT-refund-ready till receipt. If they don’t have that kind of till, they need to manually fill out a form for you.

We had one shop in Eire that offered, and they gave is an electronic card to register at an instore kiosk. Because the expected refund was less than €2, and because the instructions were all about processing at an Irish airport, we didn’t pay enough attention to how we do it at a British airport. 

You will see on the till-printed UK version, that there are a lot of details for you to fill in. You must do this on EVERY receipt! They will probably give you a pre-printed envelope as well. This is so that you can post the receipts if you are leaving from an airport without a manned refund desk. There will be a refund-branded postbox for your convenience. If you collect a few, you will notice different addresses to post to. There is a range of companies who do this work for the government, and each provider seems to have there own unique list of stores that they deal with. After the fact I found an app by one of the companies. If other companies do this as well, then you may find yourself using multiple apps and making multiple claims. Unlike the Australian app, it seems that you need to present your app in the retailer when you pay. In Sydney, just gather up your receipts and load them, any time before you rock up to their counter.

So, back to the beginning. If you are spending more than £30 in the UK in one transaction, and it is not food or other consumables, AND you are taking it permanently out of the EU, then please ASK for a VAT-refund receipt.

And then there is Harrods. When you ask for your VAT receipt, they will give you a normal receipt and send you to Customer Services on the third floor. There, you will find a rather gruff maître d, who will give you a numbered ticket, and tell you to sit down and wait. So this department has up to 20 staff at numbered desks. A screen on the wall has a list of incremental ticket numbers and associated desk numbers. The maître d bellows out the next ticket number to appear, and which desk to go to. You have a VERY short window to make it to the right desk, or you lose your slot. I wait about 10 minutes for my number to appear, and obediently scurry off to desk 7. The girl there takes my receipt and passport, and asks a few questions. She then prints me out a form. This is not my refund. This is just the form I take to the airport. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!!! All of that time, an entire department, just to save having to print out a VAT receipt at the sales counter. Absurd!!!

That’s the easy part. 

When you get to Heathrow (or any other real airport), find the VAT refund desk, and join the queue. In Heathrow, it’s run by Travelex. They will scan the reference number on each receipt and scan your passport. If you have chosen card refund, you will be done, and the money will probably arrive in time for next year’s holidays. If you choose cash, you will get it on the spot, in your currency of choice. I’m told they take a good chunk of your refund as a handling fee if you go with cash. So if you can wait, you make more with the card.

I get why staff don’t ask. Particularly in London, there are a melting pot of shapes, colours and accents, and that’s just the residents. Too often would they be asking some guy who lives 4 blocks away if he’s taking the goods overseas.

Why don’t the shops, or at least the handling company, put a sign on the counter?  Need a VAT receipt? Just ask. 

Go...

Monday September 02

Today we leave London. Currently waiting in the foyer for our car. As expected, too much luggage to manhandle it on the train, without the shark making an appearance.

So while we wait, I thought I might ponder the meaning of life.

You have been warned!

Something I noticed the other day, on our wanders. I have said so many times that I cannot anticipate what will and what will not get my attention from a design perspective. I don’t know why, but I feel that I need to keep making this point. Anyway, here it is.

There is a genius in simplicity.

Something else that both Sarah and I noticed, and “you’re welcome” for no photos.

I guess you have heard of ‘Daisy Dukes’, right? For the uninitiated, these are cut-off jeans with usually frayed edges. And they are cut off short. SHORT!

They are named after a character in the TV show Dukes of Hazzard. And how does Daisy look in her jeans?

Let me translate that into English.    Daaaammnnn!

Anyway...

A few days ago we saw a girl in a pair of Daisy Dukes. And no, she looked nothing like the photo. Worse, they were even shorter than in the photo. As a result, BOTH butt cheeks were hanging below the shorts. Much less fabric and they would have been a denim g-string!!🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️

No photos. And you’re welcome.

On Your Marks, Get Set...

Sunday September 01

Plan A was to take a train-ride to Brighton Beach for the day. Unfortunately, Sarah’s rapidly aging feet meant that, given the requisite amount of walking on a Brighton visit, this would be a really bad idea.

Plan B was to go to Brick Lane for the day. For those who don’t know, Brick Lane is like Ground Zero for Indians moving to London. Needless to say, there are a few Indian restaurants on this street, and they’re probably all very good. Very authentic.

Another fun fact. Most Indian restaurants in London are actually owned and run by Bangladeshis.
Go figure.

As luck would have it, there is maintenance on a number of rail lines this weekend, and most of them are somewhere near Paddington. I knew there must be a way of rerouting ourselves around the offending sections of line, but I couldn’t find one. The assorted apps seem unable to create alternative routes. The apps for the Sydney trains seem to be more user-friendly and more diversion-able.

Yes, I know there are buses, cabs, Uber and Gett, but sarah decided that a rest and repack day would be more beneficial. So that was today.

Went for a wander nearby, and found a tiny Malaysian restaurant a few blocks away. Nice. Otherwise nothing of note.

Sorry

Ho Ho Ho what a day

Saturday August 31

Today was Hop On Hop Off day.

There are four HOHO routes in London, with the Big Bus company. One of them doesn’t interest us, so we’ll tackle the other three. I was originally going to use HOHO to get to many of the places we wanted to see with the London Pass. I quickly realised that timings would be completely uncontrollable. We once got stuck on a HOHO bus on the other side of Dubai as the sun was going down. This was just due to bad traffic, and they had to abandon about a third of the tour, and get us back to town. Unfortunately, one of the places on Sarah’s bucket list was at the wrong end of that tour.

This time there are only two things on the list. St Paul’s Cathedral and Harrods. Sounds easy enough. Our hotel is on the blue route, so is Harrods. St. Paul’s is on the red route, and the orange route has a few things we’d like to drive past.

So the plan is to kick off on the blue route, and where they all meet up at Marble Arch we would change onto whichever colour is waiting. So we end up on the orange route, and check out a few spots, before it all starts to unravel. Remember somewhere in Ireland where we couldn’t get into the middle of one town because of the alphabet parade? We it’s Groundhog Day, folks.

The peasants are revolting! There are thousands of people protesting against the Prorogation of government. Seriously? They really need to do a test before they let people into the protest area. Do you even know what prorogation fucking means? Of course not. Fuck off home and watch Emmerdale and the Kardashians, you muppets.

The result for transport around the city is chaos. Our tour starts getting diverted. Maybe halfway through, they end up at a random stop and say if you’re going to St. Paul’s, the Red bus is behind us. Alright let’s do that. Who knows when we’ll get another chance to catch blue again today.

So we’re now on red. A few stops later and we arrived at St. Paul’s. We head off into there to tick that one off.

There are three things I’ll say about St. Paul’s.
First, it is wider than Westminster Abbey, so feel a lot more spacious.
Second, there really isn’t much in the way of Sponsor’s Alleys. This definitely helps toward the spacious feeling above.
Third, the colour scheme is really beautiful. I love the colours on the ceilings. What have I said about choosing what attracts my attention? Huh? Yes, and i am fully aware that I am colour blind. Move on, people.

We also sat in on a service in the church as well. Ticked another box for Sarah.

The crypt under the church covers probably the same footprint as the cathedral above. Pretty big. There are a chapel or three, bathrooms, a cafe and restaurant, and the obligatory souvenir shop.

We did lunch and headed back to catch the bus. I thought the Big Bus company was the biggest HOHO in London, but more than five ‘Original’ HOHO buses stopped while we waited for ours.
C’est la guerre.

Now the red line is supposed to go over to the Tower of London and then follow the Thames back to Westminster before crossing over to check out that side.

Think again, Princess.

Can’t get near Westminster. Can’t get over the river. After quite some time getting nowhere very slowly, the decision was made to head back towards Marble Arch. By now, most onboard have taken the advice to go by foot towards Westminster. We just wanted to get back on blue, for Harrods. So it’s a good call for us.

A few minutes waiting for blue, and we’re off to Harrods. Tick that box, Sarah.

She picked up a couple of things to prove we came here, then we’re off again.

It’s all a bit posh, really. I did see one thing, however, that I never expected to see. No surprise that they have their own brand of Nespresso coffee pods. Similarly priced to Nespresso pods.

Now I’ve told you the story of Kopi Luwak, right? That’s the coffee beans that have been through the digestive system of a wild cat called a civet in Indonesia. Yum. A cup of this shit costs about USD50 to the wanky dickwads with more dollars than sense. So posher-than-god Harrods sells Kopi Luwak to their well-heeled FOMO-addicts, and now they sell it in Nespresso pods. Priceless!!